I was teetotal until I was 26. Considering that I come from Brighton, with all those temptations on my doorstep, this is remarkable. I was strong willed. I got through all the early years of peer pressure without tasting a drop of the world’s favourite poison. The teenage years, university, my early twenties.
Gray's Inn Hall
I first drank in Gray’s Inn, of which I am a member. I was obliged, in order to qualify as a barrister, to eat a certain number of dinners in Gray’s Inn. The whole business was archaic in the extreme, deeply sexist and, quite frankly, offensive. I had to dine 18 times there in a single year in order to be called to the Bar in time for the rest of my legal education. The food was terrible but the alcohol was reasonably good. Whether this is true or not I do not know but at the time I was told that the Inn was exempt on tax on alcohol forever by decree of Queen Elizabeth 1st in gratitude for services rendered in a war against Spain! One evening, raging inside against the pomposity of the institution I was inside, I realised that to stay on course I needed something that would allow me to tolerate the whole charade. I poured a glass from the bottle of port in front of me…
Unfortunately, the rest of my legal education seemed to involve a heavy drinking culture and I got a taste for it. 16 years later, I regard myself as having a drink problem: once I’ve started a beer, I get carried away and cannot stop myself from becoming the most captivating person at the party. Parties need entertaining and most people can’t manage it, so I’m a popular fellow in these situations, with my articulate wit, my edgy nature (I’m not called Scrapper for nothing) and my drop-dead gorgeous good looks. No-one else regards me as having a drink problem. I don’t drink every day. I never drink alone. I don’t display any of the other signs we associate with people who have a drink problem. However, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t drink. Everyone seems to regard only those very badly addicted to alcohol as having a drink problem. In fact, our entire society has a drink problem.
After the recent elections, I have been involved in a fair amount of celebration. It was well deserved. Getting the Greens elected in Brighton & Hove was no accident. It was the result of a lot of hard work by a large number of people. My contribution was modest compared to very many people I could name here. After months of grafting away with our electorate, we made history. It was a heady and emotionally laden moment. After so much work, I was exhausted but did not want to miss out on the fun. The situation was the exact opposite of that evening in Gray’s Inn, yet by this time I was seemingly unable to just be happy without the evil drink. Over the last week I’ve been dwelling much on this comparison.
Last night I met up with Leo Littman and some of his campaign team. It was a gentle evening and I didn’t get drunk – I don’t think any of us were – but once again I did drink. It was good to catch with everyone again and I was pleased that I went along. The trouble is that three pints of beer and a couple of glasses of Pimms ought to have a neurological effect on me. My tolerance for alcohol is simply too high for that amount of poison to affect me. On the long walk home I mused much about the course my health had taken since that night in Gray’s Inn. I photographed the vandalised sign for Balfour Road to remind myself about these darker processes. Once again this morning I have awoken feeling a bit rough, a bit rubbish and generally squalid. I’ve had enough of feeling like this after pretty much every social occasion, so this morning I’m declaring publicly my abandonment of alcohol forever. You’ll have to divert yourselves at parties from now on!
