Daily Archives: 8 August 2012

BN1 Board Game pokes fun and preserves Brighton culture

Update from five minutes after this was posted: Please see penultimate paragraph for the update.

Update from two weeks after this was posted: Please see final cartoon and last paragraph.

There’s a popular cartoon series mocking the excesses of Brighton’s green loved up culture, called BN1. Created by Paul Stapleton, the cartoons are beautifully drawn and hit the spot very often on the version of Brighton now most well known: muesli eating, right on too old to be hippies but still trying too hard and the like. It’s been a bit of a hit on Facebook (here’s a link into that dreadful walled garden) is popular with both tourists and locals alike.

Now he’s brought out a board game. Despite being a true local, Mr Stapleton’s board game contains what appears to be a crass error. Can you spot it?

BN1 The Board Game contains an unforgiveable error. Luckily it has not yet gone into production so the mistake can be rectified.

Can you spot the error in BN1 The Board Game? Click to enlarge.

It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? There is no such place as the “South Laines” and there never was. There is the North Laine and there are The Lanes. Despite the phonetic similarity of these place names, a quick glance at the spelling reveals that they are completely different.

The only reason this distinction has been maintained is because us locals fiercely protect it. Incomers constantly muddle them up, until they are re-educated. We don’t mind, it’s our heritage. Perhaps Mr Stapleton doesn’t run his own Facebook page or didn’t actually make all of the board game, which looks like it is about to launch for the Christmas market? Perhaps the game itself has not yet gone into production because it apparently now being ‘game tested’. Presumably, that means played with? Let us hope that the necessary corrections can be made in the board game? One last time then, here goes with the explanation.

North Laine

Most people know the North Laine as a series of streets containing 300 shops, 37 cafes, 22 pubs, 4 theatres, 2 museums, an award winning library and probably the best selection of small independent retailers on the South Coast. Lots of people also live there too, which people may care to remember when they next walk home singing and shouting. It is so-called because Laine is an old Sussex word for a certain sized area of land, lying at the base of the South Downs. I’ll not go into the history here, you can look that stuff up at the last link. Originally the land around the village Brighthelmstone (which the modern Brighton grew out of) had a West Laine, a North Laine and an East Laine. There never was any South Laine.

The Lanes

This is the area of twittens most popular with tourists for walking so slowly that they might as well just stand still, staring into jewellery shop windows and believing that they are experiencing something authentic. It’s also a great place to live, if you can afford it and don’t care about the prospect of rising sea levels. It is boundaried by West Street, North Street and East Street. When I was a small boy, just before Mr Stapleton was born, you could still see the remains of South Street at very low tide. These streets formed the outside edges of the village of Brighthelmstone, which caught the eye of a certain Dr Russell who went on to prescribe both immersion in and drinking sea water as a cure for a variety of ailments. The ensuing popularity of the place caught the eye of a certain prince, who brought a royal entourage with him and the rest is history. Ever since then, it’s been a history of promenading, posing and partying and getting your facts straight.

Update, from five minutes after this post was published: Mr Stapleton tells me that I am the third person to point out the problem to him today! He says the game is in ‘beta’ and that the error will be corrected.

Update, from two weeks after this post was published: Mr Stapleton has taken up arms on the matter. Arms, hands, fingers and cartoon colouring crayons. He’s created a whole little cartoon, showing himself charging around correcting the mistake at the cost of his social life… Hang on a minute… oh I get it, it’s not just him… it’s all of us!

BN1 - Changing Laine

BN1 – Changing Laine. Click to enlarge.

Christian dating service promotes pre-marital kissing

Some of my recent posts have attracted adverts from Christian dating services. They seem to target posts which use the word Christianity and don’t avoid any pages at all. This would probably also explain why adverts for St Paul’s Cathedral appeared, to some readers, on some of my pages which severely criticised the Cathedral authorities at St Paul’s (London, not Rome), Tesco advertised chicken on my vegetarian cookery pages (it took an age to track down and ban all its affiliates to block such adverts, too long to repeat for every offensive company) and nerdy fantasy role games servers appear on my chess pages. Yes, I know, look who’s talking… anyway, back to the Christian dating.

Yesterday morning I noticed that a Christian dating service had started to follow me on twitter. Why would they do that? Perhaps, like Grant Shapps, they are using a strategy based on the notion that I would pretty much just follow them back, they would stop following me and then it would look like they were enormously popular? Presumably they also use a robot to perform this task for theme and it is one which cannot read English?

New readers will not realise that I have recently criticised just one of our local Christian councillors for supping with the devil by lying to her immediate colleagues, breaking the policy of the party she was elected for and by generally not bothering to turn up to her own political meetings. She is, in round terms, about as righteous as a mass manufacturer of obscenely large butt plugs who goes to Church and condemns homosexuality. Hm, will be interesting to see what sort of adverts this word combo attracts. When I published all those cow milk jokes, it was weeks before I could lose the donkey milk adverts. On no! What have I done? Here they come again… … what many people don’t realise is that the adverts you see are there for you, not for everyone who sees the page. Other people will get different adverts. The ad server looks at the content of the page you are looking at but also at your search history, where you have visited lately and perhaps even what it may know about your purchase history.

‘I bet that Christian dating service is just like any other, with C-word inserted from time to time!’ That’s what I told myself. Then I went to have a look. Forgot to go proxy first though. Doh! That’s me targeted now for weeks by adverts for vacuous fantasy heads who think socialising with other ‘like-minded’ people is a crucial part of a good and healthy life. Turns out, this particular service appears to actively promote a number of potentially sinful activities! Is this how they recruit customers? Presumably a buttoned up case of chronic insecurity freakery would find the carefree background images on the dating service’s twitter account seductive in themselves. Here’s what the ribald imagery includes:

  • a woman touching a man’s face
  • a woman touching a man below his neck
  • kissing – lots of it
  • bare feet touching – isn’t that below the waist?
  • a pillow fight

Isn’t this a cynical attempt to coin the Christian dollar without complying with the commands of the good book? Did the Christ allow women to touch his face in that way? Did our Lord and Saviour allow an unmarried woman to touch a man below his neck? Does it make any difference if he’s got his shirt on?  Is there romantic kissing mentioned in either the Old Testament or the New? If it isn’t in there, it cannot be allowed, right? God doesn’t make mistakes, he didn’t forget to leave anything out of his Word in his Book.* As for bare feet touching, doesn’t that imply that there are other body parts touching as well? Remember this is a dating service, not a marriage guidance counselling service. A pillow fight is the ultimate suggestion of sexual misconduct because they can only happen in the bedroom, which unmarried couples should not be.

Looking at the website itself, there was a more conventional attitude to the business of finding a bride. There was none of that feminist clap-trap. I was pleased to see every article written from a male perspective. It delicately dealt with the issue that concerns all Christian males: how to overcome our insecurity and actually get a girlfriend, fiancé. It plainly acknowledged that women are superior beings who don’t like overly pushy men whilst recognising that men suffer excessively from base animal temptations. What a refreshing relief! I now see the kissing imagery was just a hook to divert sinners towards the holy path. If I wanted an innocent Christian girlfriend for romantic dinner dates, the last thing she would want is my hand on her knee or, God forbid(!), our feet touching.

* Given that there are various matters omitted from the Bible, the Vatican is rumoured to be bringing out a Newer Testament. The working title is “New Testament 2″. We’re told that it is based on saintly writings and will deal with why nuclear weapons are good, what God intended for all those spare planets out there in the universe and why sinners are much more sexy than the quiet compliant ones.