Dear Archbishop Justin Welby,
It’s been a while since I wrote to you. Despite not having yet received a reply, this weekend’s partying in my parish has prompted me to share the popularity of Southover with you once again. We’re all really hoping that you’ll take up my offer of a consultancy for my sermon on 5th November this year. The word has got around. My people are preparing a very traditional welcome for you!
You’ll be pleased to hear that Southover remains the most popular part of Lewes. Proof that we’re a proper destination on the gig circuit came in the form of a posh folk band called Mumford & Sons who rocked up this weekend to hold their so-called Gentlemen Of The Road festival in amongst our very own Priory Ruins.
Knowing that Southover Bonfire Society rule the roost in these parts, they invited us to organise the bars for their festival. Being generous souls, we shared out the beer dividends with all the other bonfire societies in Lewes, although we reserved the beer tent in the ruins themselves for our own profit. By 7:00pm on the Saturday night, the crowds had drunk that tent dry.
20,000 people turned up for the bash! Obviously that’s a few thousand more than my usual congregation but nonetheless the bands felt obliged to acknowledge our spiritual devotion… as you can hear at 1:21 in the video below. As hedonistic occasions go, this was somewhat restrained but I know you will be envious at the way in which we danced the night away. I imagine it’s been rather a long time since so many people turned up in so little clothes in such a festive atmosphere down Canterbury Way?
Well, you can’t have it all! You have the wealth, the power, the telly time. We have the devotion, the attitude, the enormous congregations. I know which I would choose but hey, don’t be disheartened… all you have to do is reply, accept my consultancy offer and you too can be part of the glorious Southover Bonfire Society. We might even throw in a free festival ticket, if that’s not a contradiction in terms.