This teaser kicks off my second series of Cooking in the Cave. It is 30 seconds of brutally simple advice to anyone wondering where they went wrong on Valentine’s Day and why their man wasn’t happy. At heart, male pleasure tends towards the uncomplicated. The trick to pleasing us isn’t to take excessive trouble cleaning the house, preparing lavish treats or being the greatest physical comedian since Buster Keaton. We like food, fun, fire and fucking. It really is as simple as that. Kicking off your evening with a plate of chips, followed with some lovely cakes and scoffing your way into salty sugary oblivion before a roaring hearth fits the bill nicely. Let’s be honest, no-one is capable of creating the cosiness required for proper frolicking in mid-February. Surely Valentine’s Day, perched annoyingly at the arse end of the winter, must be the most ill suited occasion to its temporal billing? We can but make do and make do we can.